But as time goes on and on, I've been wondering what would happen if I lose someone so dearly to me? And just like that my mind has changed about life. Before what i was wondering about , I was usually lazy and didn't care about anything, Like for example if this person is lost and people ask to share so that would help spread the news, I wouldn't because they are not related to me. And now I thought , How cruel I was , to be heartless and not spreading the news. What if this happens to me?
And from that day on, I tend to over think about what would happen if this happen to who or what. Making me feel emotional to the point where I have no mood to eat sleep or even play my computer games. It has almost been a year since we have been together. But why do you make me feel like you are not mine anymore? Is it because your feelings has fade away? Is it because I have not been treating you right? Nowadays I hardly even talk to you. We have not been talking for days. And finally you called. I was trying to be happy. But I couldn't. In the end , I just faked a smile while talking to you when there is sadness behind those mask.
Making me more emotional and almost wanting me to cry is my father. He knows, he knows that I am always so dependent on everyone. He is so worried about my future, always telling me build up my survival skills and yet I still continue playing games. And a lot of times we were happily talking then he suddenly said "What happens if Papa die? How would you live? You better build up your survival skills." When he said " What happens if Papa die?" I felt a sword pierced through my heart. So i kept quiet and smile. then walk off back into my room. and of course play computer games to take of my stress.
I have not been doing anything that benefits me in Life. Writing about my feelings out here isn't gonna help me in my life. It's just expressing my feelings out where I can just POUR everything out instead of playing games all the time.
