Emo Talk

     Everyday has been just like every normal day. Wake up. get dress. Go to school. Come back. Eat and sleep. Repeat. It goes on and on like this everyday. It's too boring to even care about anything.

      But as time goes on and on, I've been wondering what would happen if I lose someone so dearly to me? And just like that my mind has changed about life. Before what i was wondering about , I was usually lazy and didn't care about anything, Like for example if this person is lost and people ask to share so that would help spread the news, I wouldn't because they are not related to me. And now I thought , How cruel I was , to be heartless and not spreading the news. What if this happens to me?
   
       And from that day on, I tend to over think about what would happen if this happen to who or what. Making me feel emotional to the point where I have no mood to eat sleep or even play my computer games. It has almost been a year since we have been together. But why do you make me feel like you are not mine anymore? Is it because your feelings has fade away? Is it because I have not been treating you right? Nowadays I hardly even talk to you. We have not been talking for days. And finally you called. I was trying to be happy. But I couldn't. In the end , I just faked a smile while talking to you when there is sadness behind those mask.
 
      Making me more emotional and almost wanting me to cry is my father. He knows, he knows that I am always so dependent on everyone. He is so worried about my future, always telling me build up my survival skills and yet I still continue playing games. And a lot of times we were happily talking then he suddenly said "What happens if Papa die? How would you live? You better build up your survival skills." When he said " What happens if Papa die?" I felt a sword pierced through my heart. So i kept quiet and smile. then walk off back into my room. and of course play computer games to take of my stress.

      I have not been doing anything that benefits me in Life. Writing about my feelings out here isn't gonna help me in my life. It's just expressing my feelings out where I can just POUR everything out instead of playing games all the time.